I’m going through a cleansing process which I’m now calling an illumination of money consciousness that is my goal to figure out better strategies for prudent spending.

My longest friend and I met for lunch yesterday and she reminded me of this book club book we are reading.

I think what I’m going through is now really an illumination of conscience relative to the 1st Commandment. 2nd and 3rd. With attention on Though shall not have false Gods before thee. As hard as it may be to think about or accept, it’s possible money became an unintentional false God in my life. This strong inner desire is being driven only by me or a higher force to examine my behaviors related to money and the sin derived from it. Illumination of my consciousness is really what’s going on with my 2020 mission and now I can’t stress it enough that the entire world conduct such an examination relative to the 1st Commandment.

Here I am again facing Xfinity charges and asking billing related questions that don’t make sense. I do this a lot but honestly not frequently enough to have a good handle on the Internet and TV bill. It’s becoming such an expensive thing to have but it seems we should have more choices and affordable rates. Here I am asking questions and it’s always frustrating because it’s like your hands are tied. My strategy today was ask for a manager or assistant manager because I have so many questions related to fees.

No boarding pass. No one speaks English. No Air Baltic desk. No help and no I can’t get through security for all the above and more so I’m left with one option and that’s charge another ticket on the credit card to further add debt. Crisis always leads to chaos and in chaos I can’t think clearly. It’s a real problem when issues arise and the only solutions seem to be to charge the solution. I’m so sick of these types of unfortunate events happening to me because inevitably I have to go fight the financial crisis battle to make my case for why this isn’t my fault. This is when I wish I were a financial lawyer. I’m so sick of this happening to me because it puts a real fracture on my personal relationship with my husband. All my financial mishaps over the years where the only bailout is to charge it.

A strategy for this solution: well right now it’s deal with the mental frustration. I know I can’t think clearly until I deal with that. Then perhaps I can think more logically next about this. A constant reoccurring issue for me.

When I was first married thirty plus years ago, my husband said it’s all our money.I started some of my poor spending habits with the Visa early on in the marriage. Once during an after Christmas sale at an old favorite store, L.S. Ayers, I bought myself quite a bit of new outfits to wear during teaching. I didn’t even think anything of the amount I spent just that it went on the Visa.

I think this early buying habit has never really stopped and it’s gotten me into a lot of excessive spending. It’s not fun when someone is unhappy with your spending behaviors. Spending whose money? It’s what I faced even when I decided 2020 had to change for me with money habits that frustrated others. I first set up this account as Steward of my husband’s money. The day turned into night and then the next day. By then I realized what I had learned years ago. What’s mine is your. But it’s all God’s money and we are all called to be good stewards of his money. I changed the site name and my thinking. More on this as I go through the year.

When I realized recently how much my hard-working husband paid the bank for my charges, after my Riga 2019 trip, I began thinking about my spending habits. At some point during a self-evaluation of how and when I make purchases, I evaluated the Apps on my phone as the points of spending entry. The Amazon App is so quick and easy to use and I spend a lot on books, books that I can get from the library. I have a real Amazon addiction that has been going on since Amazon started selling only books. I decided I needed to delete the App to make it difficult for me to get access to Amazon so fast. I’ve not fully resolved this buying addiction because I’m clever enough to find Amazon anyway, so I have much work to do with this type of spending habit. What I’m going to do next is simply delete my Amazon account all together and see if the act of setting up an account again slows me down enough to get me to think.

I reviewed my Amazon account and I first realized a book I returned for refund went on an Amazon gift card not the Visa, so I went to the customer service link and sent a phone call request. Within seconds Amazon called me. Customer service refunded the money back to my credit card and I requested they close my account. Amazon had to send me a link to officially close it. I completed the comment section and submitted the request. It was very easy. Thank you Amazon for making this step easy.

Now the hard part begins. Me stopping my Amazon searching.

While praying about money habits that I want to change, I was drawn back to my childhood days and thinking about how money was treated. We were poor and my dad worked the midnight shift. I only saw a transfer of money to my mom for groceries. Mom had a budget fir four kids and it was about twenty dollars a week. I think we lived week to week off that, which is why I recall having a big garden, a goose and always fish to eat since my dad fished all the time.

I’m thinking my money habits were developing when I was little and learned through observations. There was no such thing as a credit card in our house. Everything was paid for in cash. If we needed extra money you would earn it somehow. I never received an allowance. Money only cam through gifts, odd jobs or my early jewelry business.

The spend money observing was me watching my parents go to antique shows or flea markets. Random buying of things. I got my socks at the flea market. Eventually, I observed the hiding of money from my mom who also hid just about everything. It was not a together money journey but it became a survival to raise four kids.

I’ve been taking time to clean up from Christmas. I’ve returned whatever didn’t work and that took time. I’ve also had to follow-up on credit return errors where I wasn’t given the right credit amount. That took a lot of time to follow up on. The online customer service said they needed my credit card to credit back the correct amount. Guess what I removed from my purse?

I’ve done more to fix some spending issues from Christmas today and this took even more time. I also had to follow up on my United airlines refund. If I let all this go or forget about it, I don’t get these money issues resolved. All this takes me so much time and I wish I would make smarter choices just to not have to waste my energy on issues. Today, was a no spending day. That was my goal and I did it!

I finished my Riga 2019 trip. Since I ran into a little Berlin issue, I knew I had to contact my bank upon returning to America. The money revelation of my failures hit me again when the financial customer service man showed me the recent Visa spending history. The enormous end of previous months payment by my husband was so big it made my heart and soul sting. I’m disabled I can’t pay that bill so who will? For the past forever my husband has paid our visa bill while I continue to charge money. As my husband says; “Money that is not mine.”